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My daughter Katie and I were separated when she was two days old. She found me shortly after her 17th birthday.
Those years in between were very difficult for me. With no support from my family, I had no where to turn. I found peace and rest in my savior Jesus. Sometimes that didn't seem to be enough to fill the emptiness I felt.
Since finding me, we have shared letters and pictures and countless hours on the phone.
I would have never initiated contact with her. As hard as those years were, I believed I had made the right decision for her life and mine. And that decision was a final, once and for all, in good times and bad choice. While I love my growing relationship with her, that is not the reason I chose adoption in the first place.
And so here you are. You have made this wonderful decision for you, your child and another family. But if it was so wonderful, how come you are feeling so empty afterwards?
What I didn't understand then but get now was that I was grieving the loss of my child. Grief? Isn't that usually what we do when someone dies? Well, yes. |
What's hard in our society is the 'get over it' attitude. We're just supposed to deal with whatever life throws at us and just keep on going. While it may be true that we have to continue going to a job or going to school and just living, we are allowed to grieve.
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You have my permission to grieve. Give yourself permission to grieve. I know you have to keep some sort of daily routine. But let yourself feel what you're feeling. Let yourself just be where you are.
Get those feelings out in whatever constructive way you can. Write letters you never intend to mail to those who hurt you. Set aside time each day to just cry. I know this sounds crazy, but I've done it. As long as I knew I could have a nice long, hard cry, I could hold out.
What other ways do you deal with things? Do you like to run, ride a bike, swim? Do you like to eat? Watch TV? How you deal with your emotions right now will impact your future, so try to make good, healthy choices. If chocolate makes you feel better, than by all means, treat yourself. But balance that out with regular exercise and healthy eating. |
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Unfortunately for me, I knew none of this after Katie was born. I was expected by my family to 'shake it off' and move on with my life. They refused to acknowledge any grief or loss I was dealing with. Fortunately for me, God cared what I was feeling and did not abandon me during this time. While it took time, lots of work and more faith than I thought I had, I'm much healthier now.
Is my life perfect? Far from it! But the pain and rejection of my experience does not rule my life. God has healed me and He can do the same thing for you if you will let him. | | Join our Askabirthmom group on facebook. Don't know what facebook is? Check it out at www.facebook.com. |
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